Emptied out

There's a moment in every tumultuous situation when you realise that whatever happens, you'll emerge unscathed. Someone may hate you, but that's okay because you realise, with oh so much clarity, that you don't care what they think.

Late last month I outlined an interesting work problem. Earlier this month, following a discussion with my TAFE tutor about OH&S and negative behaviour, I told Colin it was his responsibility as an employer to protect the best interests of his staff and his business. If that meant removing the problem, it meant removing the problem. He asked me how. I said he needed to identify the problem and bring it up with the person in question and offer solutions (such as counselling). So that's what he did.

Yesterday afternoon, Colin pulled N into his office and asked her about her questionable bathroom habits. She denied everything. She denied she had a problem. She denied she needed help. She denied the counselling offered. She sat back at her desk and rounded on me in a terse, low voice. "Did you tell Colin about the thing we talked about before?"

Part of me wanted to be coy and say, "you'll have to be a bit more specific because we've talked about a lot of things" because of the way she victimised me during that prior conversation. Fortunately tact prevailed and I said, as gently as I could, "actually, if you really want to know, Colin was the one who told me about it".

It got very, very frosty in there all of a sudden.

The worst part was that the editorial team were supposed to go out to lunch as a bonding thing but Colin pulled this just before we were due to go (due to the fact that it probably would have been awkward to pull it after we'd eaten together) so Jen cancelled the booking. Most of us expected N to leave for the rest of the day but she didn't so we all had to make our own lunch plans (I ended up eating with some of the design chicks in the food court who all knew the situation).

I truly don't think she knows to what extent everyone knows about this. In the most awkward position is me because I have to sit next to her but I have no concrete evidence of her disorderly behaviour so I can't just give her the the lowdown of what I think, with all the relevant facts, as I normally would in this kind of situation.

What do I want to say?
1. A lot of people in this office have reason to believe that you have either a medical condition or an eating disorder based on your bathroom habits.
2. Everyone feels uncomfortable with your constant denial that you have a problem. Even if you don't think you have a problem, your behaviour is still a problem for everyone else and beyond forcing you to go to a doctor or to counselling, Colin has done everything within his power to make you realise you need help. Denial of this help is alienating you from the rest of us. No one knows how to talk to you.

And the thing I want to say to myself is: Her problem is not your problem unless you make it. You have done everything you can, taken every responsibility available to you and it has not resulted in a change in her behaviour, it is under her control, therefore her problem. You can do nothing more.

I think I really believe it. I've come to accept the fact that I don't care if she hates me, I care more about the sustainability of my own mental welfare. I will be here to listen, I will not judge, but I will not compromise my own health.