At work, I sit next to a girl called N. She's a pleasant enough character and quite fun to have around. My only gripe with her would probably be that she talks too much.
Today I was pulled into my managing director's office. He sat me down and said it was a personal matter. I wasn't sure whether he meant personal for me or personal for him. Turns out he was concerned about N and since I'm the closest to her, he was asking for my help.
Apparently others have complained about her bathroom habits, which is to say she's been leaving the bathroom 'in a mess'. I personally haven't noticed, probably because I don't use the stall she usually uses. But since I started working here, I have noticed that she takes a LOT of bathroom breaks. However, I dismissed it as I know she drinks a lot of water, tea and coffee and claims to have a bladder 'the size of a walnut'.
Now N, since the beginning of the year, has been concerned about her weight, complaining her pants don't fit and how fat she is compared to her friends. For the record, she's not fat at all, that I can see. If you call me a size 14-16, she'd be a 10 at about half a head shorter. A few weeks ago she started Weight Watchers. She also plays soccer (and trains with the team twice a week), goes to the gym and swims.
I joined the dots on the spot: she's bulimic, I told my MD. He nodded, his suspicions confirmed. I didn't know about the mess in the bathroom, I told him. Others have asked whether they can use the men's, he said, it's that bad. (Until recently, when our new floor neighbours moved in, my MD was the only guy on our level).
Long story short, he said if I could think of some way of bringing it up and getting her to find help then that would be great. But he said if I couldn't do anything he'd understand and try to think of another way to approach it. But he didn't want to just pull her aside and say something because he was afraid that he'd make her feel victimised (seeing as he's the boss and it would be a professional matter). He's hoping that I can broach it as a friend.
Can I be selfish for just one moment? Can I just say that as much as I care for N, this is not fair? I can barely think about anything except how the hell I'm going to do this, let alone think about the two features I haven't written that were due last week, which is what I actually do for a living, not talk to people about their eating disorders.
The worst thing is that she's not in tomorrow so I'm just going to have to languish in this anguish for another day and a half not being productive and falling ever behind with my own tasks.
I have an out, don't I? I can say 'no, I can't do this' and just leave it at that, can't I? No, probably not. I think I have rescuer's syndrome. I need to feel helpful at all times. So even if I said 'no' I'd have to come up with a solution. There are only really two I can think of and both require a bit of deviousness. One is to call a friend of hers (or her boyfriend), tell them, and leave them to do the dirty work. But since I don't know any of them, I would have to sneakily obtain their phone numbers from her phone to do it.
The second is to leave hints around the place letting her know that I know (or we know) and suggesting she get help. For example, leaving her a message to call someone and just giving her the Eating Disorders Hotline. Both, I think, are a coward's ways out, and not my style at all. I'm a Taurus, damn it, I run at things head on and toss it up by the horns. But I know I need to tread carefully because this is someone's life I'm talking about - and everyone else's health.
Any advice?
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