Better, but not

So I left you with an awkward problem involving my work neighbour's digestive habits. On the Friday following divulgement of this problem, I asked her whether everything was 'okay', with no particular reference to anything. When she probed for more I had to let her know I meant her secretive nature and her newfound food/weight obsession. She denied anything was up and started quizzing me as to why I thought she was being 'secretive' (the frequent trips to the bathroom came up...). I felt victimised all of a sudden.

Anyway, I did lose sleep over it for about five days and then I came to the conclusion that it really wasn't my problem. The lady to whom I spoke on the Eating Disorder Foundation hotline said that denial was very common and there was nothing more I could do but make sure I was around to support her should she ever ask for it. I did what I could without outright accusing her of having an eating disorder and passing judgement, basically. I'm not even sure I did that well but the point is that I did it.

But it still bothers me that the problem itself has not been resolved (though the follow on effect ie impact on others has, due to the fact that she now takes herself elsewhere to do what she does). I realise now that my greatest fear is not abandonment but of being useless.

Fortunately I spoke to my friend Skippy on Monday (she always does this thing where I'll think about calling her and then she'll call me, which is good for my mobile credit). She said I feel like this because I'm a 'fixer' and that she doesn't feel it's my life's purpose to 'fix' this girl. Besides which "The world is full of broken people and you just have to accept that you can't fix everyone". That made me feel a lot better.

I guess I needed someone to tell me that it was okay not to solve a problem that looked difficult, not because it looked difficult but because I'm perhaps destined for bigger things and stopping by the wayside would merely be an obstacle to a greater purpose. Oh no, it's all beginning to sound a bit motivational speakerish...

But I feel better, even if N is not.