Hilarity ensued

Beq's email from Edinburgh (edited)
"I was happily typing away on the internet when I was given a piece of paper with 'Hubert's' phone number on it, him mouthing 'call me' as I looked at him. My usual; dark, mo and short (my curse will never leave me!) (Turkey is going to be fun). After I finished on the 'net I thought 'why am i being so picky?' (it's not like I can afford to be and this never happens) 'you never know what diamonds there are in the rough'. So, I had a coffee with Hubert who is a Parisian working as a chef in Edinburgh, but listening to his monotonic ego-tackling stories through rotted teeth, I decided that roughly, this was no diamond."

I replied "If you have any time at all, visit THE most disturbing animation site known to yours truly: http://www.fat-pie.com/salad2.htm and watch Salad Fingers say "Hubert Cumberdale you taste like soot and poo". Better luck next time, BQ." Which I thought was fitting.

Then today:
Stuart and I were having a conversation about Mountain Dew; I don't mind it but Stuart detests it with a passion. His remark: "Ahh, a nice glass of piss. What do you mean this is Mountain Dew? Plegh!"

I'm not even sure why I find both these comments hilarious.